Perasaan

I have 2 grandmothers, both named Ami..and we don't call them both as nenek..just atok..not sure why atok and not nenek..since both nenek are having the same name, we have another name (funny, yet practical i thought) to differentiate them both.

Tok Ami (my mother's mother) is a thin lady, so she deserves Tok Ami Kurus name. And the other Tok Ami (my father's mother) of course will have to take Tok Ami Gemuk name..(padahal idak lah gemuk mana, sedang2 aje badannya gitu)..but that's how we called both our grannies...

We are not really close to Tok Ami Gemuk, relatively...my father was taken care by his auntie, not his mother..(ok..so actually I have like 3 grannies overall). So does my father, he is not close to his own mother.

Not really sure of Tok Ami's age, I guess she must be really old that she doesn't really hear and see perfectly now..and sometimes she couldn't even recognises us. It is sad so see that. Apatah lagi bila membayangkan adakah kita akan seperti dia nanti..The most sad part, she is now hospitalised, in unconscious state. It is painful to see her in that condition, but I believe Allah must have better plans for her.

The most touching part is, to see the reaction of my father facing this situation. He doesn't really look sad (luaran lah, dalaman tak tahu)..unlike one of his brother, who cried looking at Tok Ami lying unconsciously on the bed.

I did complaint this to my mother in front of him "Mak, abah tak datang dekat atok pun..macam tak ada perasaan je" and this is what replied during his conversation with one of my brother in law:

" Along cakap abah tak ada perasaan tengok Atok macam tu. Macam mana abah nak ada perasaan, abah tak pernah tahu pun dia tu mak abah..yang abah tahu Atok Embam (the one who took care of him) tu emak abah. Macam mana abah nak ada perasaan"

As anak, I felt guilty to hear the confession (kalau aku x komplen, mesti benda ni x terkeluar dari mulut abah)..but at the same time, I'm grateful, I was born in a family with full of love (so tak ada la isu kekurangan kasih sayang macam abah).

As a mother, I take this as a lesson, not to take this for granted towards my child. Give love, and you'll be loved..that's how it should be.

Along am sorry Abah. I know it must be conflicting in and out his soul. Dan mulutku ini juga harus kujaga..agar nanti jangan sampai Abah pula yang kata anaknya tak pandai jaga perasaan bapaknya. :(


To Tok Ami who is now lying on the bed, I pray day and night, agar diringankan kesakitannya. But Allah knows best. Tawakkal dan Redha, itu yang sebaiknya. Wallahua'lam.

*update: My beloved grandmother passed away on 7th of Feb...semoga rohnya ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman...